Soon! Maybe now is the random time, under a so-called super moon, to have the propensity to be the dispensary of some random philosophy and logic. Trouble is, the basis of random logic is, at first glance, illogical. But, as irony is one of the defining features of human life, such a quasi-chaotic platform is a sensible, albeit random, place to find oneself, or anyone, for that matter. Random theory is anti-anal, pro low carbon footprint, rejects elitism and egocentricity. As such it tends toward minimalism, efficiency and art over materialism, while maintaining a regard for science and inventions. some of Random Man’s mottos are: smell the roses, learn to smell and spell, lower the crossbar, know your crossbar, smiling begets happiness, sweat every second day, not every lay…you get the gist, chew the grist, the cud, taste it twice, Life can be more than nice.

Random man also espouses virtual virtues that can hopefully be encapsulated in the following credos…

Don’t keep count – Random man finds paperwork too taxing, and like many aspects of modern life, the end does not justify the means; e.g. consider the record-keeping required to properly do a tax return,for a couple of hundred, it’s not worth the trouble. A similar attitude undermines all modern pursuits, from exercise to an ‘adequate’ middle class dwelling; just look at the way cyclists are clad – lycra, compression socks, for chrissake-random man cycles every day in shorts and thongs and if it’s cold, he wears 3 tshirts. Homeowners and mothers, in particular, have been long seduced by marketers who are simply exploiting the old ‘keeping up with the Jones’ mentality that exploits ignorance and misplaced guilt to keep this capitalist treadmill running. Random man long ago, while flunking 3 unit Economics, realised that capitalism was a con since it cannot plateau; the multiplier effect means it can only shrink or grow in a never ending, voracious, planet-consuming frenzy, disguised as productivity and fed to the masses in the discourses of success or failure.

As a response, Random man dropped out, tried to become a hippie, tried to embrace the counter culture but was a little too random even for that. Random man tried hard to be a devotee to the alternative ideologies but his underlying independence and hair that wouldn’t behave even like Art Garfunkels’ mop, ultimately meant a degree of non-acceptance. Ironically, Random man still dresses in much the way he did in the 70’s while still managing to be just behind all fashion trends-as something is being culturally discarded, Random man will probably notice it for the first time and diligently embrace societies cast-offs, without realising how ‘uncool’ he might to some seem.

Have your cake and eat it too – another capitalist con that endeavours to persuade citizens that sacrifice is necessary for success and happiness. I’m not talking about regurgitating your fruit cake like a cow and its’ cud, the metaphor – and, sorry, Random man doesn’t have time to check its’ cultural origins (n.b. Random Man doesn’t care if he’s wrong, perfect as he is in his imperfection)- encourages attitudes that lead people, for instance, to think that it’s irresponsible to have fun and work at the same time. Or that it’s difficult to have a house and money simultaneously (rich dudes do or you could just rent out your back room, as Random Man does).

So, having rejected mainstream society and having been rejected by the only viable alternative, save the hare krishnas (how’s things mickey dora), Random Boy wandered the planet (oh well, from Sussex Inlet to Sydney) in search of sense and, of course the wine, women and song he’d heard so much about, but found only nonsense and beer, bitches and blues. The girls probably weren’t bitches, but that’s how they seem sometimes when they play hard to get. As they played hard to get, I got hard to play. These years, we can now call the “Lost Years”, that apparently every arty type has until they ‘find’ themselves. I might add that Random Boy was very myopic in more ways than you can imagine- when told he had been ‘naval gazing’ for example, he wondered how the commentator new of his fascination with boats and his frequent visits to HMAS Albatross, south of Nowra…silly Randomman. So Random boy took a long time to find himself, and, as in Life, it’s the journey, not so much the Destiny, that counts, so they say, although the two are obviously linked.